Taking Our Virtual Cues From the Real World
A screen will never replace a handshake, a shared look, the feeling of being together in the same place at the same time. In short, a screen will never measure up to meeting in person.
But we can do more to make our virtual interactions feel less awkward and more alive.
Improving our experience of this virtual technology doesn’t mean burying ourselves even deeper into it. Instead, it involves stepping back to think about what makes in-person interactions so rich — and then applying that to our screened-in world.
Think about the last time you saw your friends in person. How about your extended family? What about your coworkers?
Seeing + Hearing
When we meet each other in person, we take two simple things for granted: that we will be able to see and hear the other person.
Now that we’re making our connections through screens, we can’t assume these foundational parts of communication will happen on their own.
It’s incredibly basic, but we need to make a conscious effort to make sure the other person can both see and hear us when we communicate virtually. Just fixing these two things will make everything feel much more natural — much more like you’re actually meeting in person.
Eye Contact
Let’s start with seeing.
Because eye contact is an essential part of communication, make sure the other person can see your eyes.
Sit next to a window that will light your face, so the other person can read your ever-changing expressions. Never sit in front of that window or you’ll be a dark silhouette — like you’re in witness protection, as a Halifax colleague recently noted.
If your face is still dark, plug in a lamp nearby. Ideally, your lamp should have a shade so that it doesn’t blind you and throw a strange glare onto your face.
Speaking of eye contact, remember to look at the camera and not just your screen. That will make it look most like you’re looking directly at the other person and listening to them.
Stop Looking Down
Next, think about how you’re looking at the other person. If you were meeting in person, you’d usually look directly across at them.
When you move to a screen, are you looking waaaay down at your camera, giving them both a good view of your ceiling and the inner depths of your (very interesting) nostrils?
Slide a couple of thick books under your laptop or iPad and you’ll be looking at your friend from a much more natural height. (Not to mention doing your poor neck a big favour.)
Too Close!
Here’s another one. When you meet in person, would you ever sit so close that they could only see your face?
I didn’t think so. Same thing goes for a video call. Mimic sitting across a table from someone, and set up your camera so that they can see both your face and a good portion of your chest.
Can You Hear Me?
Now, let’s talk about your voice.
In a real-world interaction, you can easily hear the person you’re speaking to. Your ears do the nuanced work of a very good microphone and focus on the other person’s voice while cutting out all that distracting background sound.
Unfortunately, the cheap microphone built into your screen doesn’t operate at the same high level.
It doesn’t differentiate between your voice and your dog barking and your husband putting away the dishes in the kitchen. It treats all sounds equally and then bounces them off all the hard surfaces in your room to make it sound like you’ve moved to an echo chamber.
Don’t make the other person strain to hear you.
Get a Microphone
A good external microphone will help you get closer to how you sound when you meet in person. It will focus on your voice and cut out a lot of that perplexing background sound. It will remove much of the flat echo and pick up the natural roundness of your voice.
In short, it will make you sound like you.
Keep It Real
Seeing and hearing: foundational parts of in-person communication. Let’s not forget them when we meet through our screens.
Stephanie C. Mitchell is a communication coach based in Montréal, Canada.
