The Case for Showing Your Real Background

Whenever I meet a new person, my brain races around looking for clues so that I can get to know them.

What makes them smile?

Do they look like they’re having a tough day?

What tone of voice are they using with me?

When I meet someone I already know, my brain does similar races.

How are they doing today?

What’s changed since I last spoke to them?

What signals are they sending?

When I talk to someone through a screen — instead of in person — this is so much harder. My brain still races around looking for clues … but there are far fewer clues to find. So my brain keeps racing, hunting and scanning for little bits of connection.

With Zoom and other video apps, all the data I get is a little two-dimensional face and their voice pushed through the internet and over to me.

So I look for other clues: in their words, in their pauses, in their background.

And that’s the big snag.

If they have a virtual background, my brain doesn’t have much to work with. Sure, I can see that they choose to present themselves as sitting in an airy, nondescript conference room, and I can see that …

Well, actually, that’s all I can see. I don’t know what colour their wall is or what picture they have hanging in their office, or what’s on their bookshelves, or whether the sun is shining in their city.

My search for more information is essentially blocked.

That means it’s harder to make a connection with the other person. We make connections based on data, on what we absorb about the other person as we meet.

If you show me a real background, I can learn more about you.

Plus, you come across as more confident. As someone I can trust because you aren’t afraid to show yourself.

Yes, when I have a business meeting, it is primarily about business. But it’s also about getting to know the other person as a unique individual, not just as Professional Client X.

Of course, not everyone has control over their space. Sometimes, you just can’t go on an important business call and show your son’s Spiderman poster in the background. If that’s the case, I get it. Use a virtual background.

But whenever you can, share a bit more about yourself. It’s hard enough to make connections and get to know each other in a virtual world. I always welcome more clues about what makes another person tick.

Speaking on Zoom already creates an incredible distance. We are not sharing the same space, remarking on the weather and shaking hands.

Instead, we are isolated, sitting in front of our individual screens — valiantly trying to reach through them to shake hands.

We need all the clues about each other that we can get.